June 17th… in remembrance

Today is June 17th. Today I can’t help but looking back at what has transgressed in one full year.

June 17th my Mom came over to help me and my best friend Ashley came for a visit. Ashley was the one that got me to first go see the Dr, and her visits were wonderful in keeping me going. I remember sitting on the couch nursing Jacob. Ashley was next to me and Mom was in the Kitchen. I needed to be sick. I wanted to finish nursing first. Little did I know that would be my last time nursing my baby boy, my last time nursing any baby. I ran to the washroom and lost the contents of my stomach. Really the contents of my small intestine. Gross. I knew then and there I could no longer do this. I could no longer pick myself off the floor and pretend I was just a little sick. I needed help, my body wasn’t my own. The pain consumed me, the medications only took the edge off. My pain tolerance is very high, but this, this was beyond pain. I called for my mom. I need to get help, call 911. It blurs. I remember anytime I moved I would vomit. The paramedics carried me down the stairs. Even though I knew I needed this, the pain of knowing that my kids were scared washed over me. Here was their mommy being carried out of the house and was too sick to move without vomiting. I found relief in believing I’d be home soon, they would forget all about this, and they were in very safe hands. I remember thinking they should put the sirens on in the ambulance, and knowing that my mom was following behind. We arrived at the hospital. One of the paramedics asked me if I thought I could walk a few steps. If I was able to get off the stretcher and walk the few steps to the chair in the waiting room I could go through streaming, meaning the wait would be much less. I sat up and heaved into the bucket I hugged close. I swung my feet over the edge and again was sick. The nurse noticed at this point and yelled at us all that I was to sick to be in streaming and to stay on the stretcher. Once settled back in I felt a bit better knowing I was going to get help. Orlund had arrived about the time that the ambulance had so I was content having him and my mom with me. Anyone that asked any question my mom would drill into them that they’d better ‘fix’ me, I wasn’t going to go home until I was fixed. We later found out that there is a ‘saying’ in emergency ‘if mom say’s something is wrong, something is wrong’. I was finally admitted.

We all figured this would be a quick fix. Now that I was at the hospital under surveillance, with proper medication and all the tests readily available I would be home soon.
I’m not going to say everything that happened. However I was discharged from the hospital August 24, 2013. I stayed in the hospital for a total of 68 days. That is not including all the time I spent there before being admitted, Chemo day’s, follow up tests or my re-attachment surgery. I still have many tests and visits to the hospital I will be making but hopefully never in this kind of pain. I’m now going to include a transcript that one of my Dr’s wrote close to my admittance ~

This 29-year-old woman, mother of three was seen for assessment of abdominal pain possibly due to a small bowel obstruction.
Jennifer was a somewhat vague historian. Essentially she describes a two month history of abdominal pain which has been exacerbated since late May, 2013. It appears to be primarily central which will radiate into both flanks. It is aggravated by eating, changes in position and just about anything. In the last week it has been associated with nausea and vomiting and she has virtually stopped eating. Her stools have a slight tendency to be loose and she has noted a paucity of bowel movements and flatus in the last five days. Over the last three weeks Jennifer has undergone a number of investigations including
1. A CT scan of the abdomen May 30,2013 – small amount of free fluid nil else.
2. Ultrasound of pelvis, June 4,2013 negative.
3. Ultrasound upper abdomen June 6, 2013. The gallbladder and bile ducts were normal, multiple loops of peristalsing bowel.
4. HIDA scan June 13,2013; gallbladder promptly fills but does not respond to CCK stimulation, 29% ejection.
5. MRCP June 21, 2013; no evidence of biliary pathology, small amount of free fluid and pleural fluid; multiple dilated loops of small bowel, query small bowel obstruction versus ileus.
Jennifer has had no previous abdominal surgery.
Physical examination~
Pale young woman who is lying on her side with a bucket close to her mouth. She stated that she had been vomiting earlier and is quite intolerant to taking anything by mouth. She has been requiring large doses of narcotics to mange the pain. On examination the abdomen is protuberant. There are no scars. Bowel sounds are hyperactive. Soft to percussion and palpation. There is some tenderness which is maximum in the upper abdomen. There is no associated significant guarding or peritoneal irritation. No masses are palpable.
This 29 year old woman presents with a 4 week history of abdominal pain which was exacerbated over the last 5 days. An MRCP performed earlier today was suggestive of a small bowel obstruction versus an ileus. CT scan of the abdomen performed May 30 was entirely negative. As there may be some progression of her illness I do think it would be prudent to repeat the CT scan of the abdomen.

Although I was in the battle of my life I was unaware of just how serious it was. I still want to write a book about my story, I don’t know where to start, and it pulls me down into this dark place. One I don’t like. I take it slow. I’m starting to think it’s time I visit that place just once in a while before I let it slip completely from memory. Thank you Jesus for deciding I needed to stick it out on earth for a bit longer.

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