Tag Archives: Jacob

Tonight

Wow! I haven’t blogged since June! Life sure has changed since then!

I was just going to say a quick blurp but instead I think I’ll actually blog (I have like 20minutes before I want to attempt going to ‘bed’…more on that later).

My energy truely has returned! Praise the Lord! So much so I decided to do a fall cleaning of our house. I haven’t done a ‘true’ fall (or spring) cleaning in…well…. since the first cleaning when we moved in! Sure I’ve cleaned everything overtime but never a ‘lets do this’ cleaning where you do it all quickly and get it done…. well that was the plan anyway! I started in October, I had two weeks left before November and wanted to get the fall cleaning done before the new month….. I’m now trying to finish it this week (so it’s done before December). I only have half the Kitchen and the master bedroom left…can I do it? I hope so, although delay after delay keep coming up. And it’s not that I don’t have the energy to do the cleaning, I just don’t have the time!

I am homeschooling Joy (Grade 1) and Olivia (Pre-K). Olivia begs to do school work, Joy begs NOT to do it! They are both doing great though and we are looking to change up a few things to make it more fun etc, so over the month of December we will be taking a bit of a break to re-vamp things. To do all their school work, with all their fightings and distractions it takes us between 2-3 hours (we do 45min work, 15min break, repeat). So we are done by lunch time, sometimes (as we are slow in the morning) we eat lunch at 1pm.

Then there is the basic upkeep of a house hold. As well as squeezing in the fall cleaning, crafts and outdoor time (what is that?! I’m so bad at not getting them out!).

By the time I’m done the house chores it’s time to make dinner and Orlund is home. After dinner is cleaned up we have family time, bath time, or just play time. Often times I try and fit in MY crafts in this time when the kids are more than happy to play on their own. (you know crocheting, sewing, cross stitching, etc etc).

Before we know it it’s time for the kids bedtime routine and they are down at 7pm. Then it’s Orlund and my time to do OUR school work! Yup, Orlund and I are taking online courses. (different courses). I’ve decided I’d like to be a ‘Medical Laboratory Assistant’ (as my friend calls them ‘lab ladies’, we collect samples etc). There are 4 courses in the program, plus a 4 day work shop (hands on training) then a 6wk full time (unpaid) practicum. I’ve been given a promise of a practicum placement at the hospital. I want to work at the hospital ~ I know I’m crazy πŸ˜‰

After we do an hour to two of our school work we watch a tv show to unwind before bed.

Yup. busy.

Saturday night we went out for dinner with my dad. It was so good to see him, although we only live 45min away (and he’s in town every week day) we hardly see him. He does swing by and see the girls in their gymnastics class as it’s at the University (where he teaches), but that’s just a quick “hello” on his lunch break. So we had a dinner out with him, and planned to have him over Tuesday for his Birthday dinner (that’s tonight, his Bday is tomorrow). But Saturday night………….”Mommy! I threw up!” Joy calls…. she was sick until we went to bed at 11pm, and then it was still a restless night. She kept getting better. Last night, 2am “Mommy!! Olivia’s throwing up!” Joy calls, I answer “give her your bucket!!!”. Too late.. change of bedding….She was up every 45min or so…. I couldn’t sleep in between either. Long night.

Tonight…. Tonight I sleep on Jacob’s floor. Orlund came home from work sick, and he did get sick too. Olivia and Daddy are sharing our bed. I don’t want their germs. I changed Olivia’s bedding, but I still don’t want to sleep in their room, I haven’t fully disinfected it yet. Joy’s sleeping in there, she’s already had it and is back to normal. I’m not sleeping in the living room, too bright/cold. I’m not sleeping with the sicko’s, nope. Jacob and I are the only ones showing NO signs… Please pray we don’t get it. We are sticking together…. maybe him eating his boogers has protected him? I’m not going to start!

Pray for a good night, Pray for health. Much love!

ps~ sorry for any bad spelling, or grammar. I’m always bad, but I’m on Orlund’s comp and he has spell check off! (my computer is in the shop, for the 3rd time!).

Spring time!

Sorry I’m so incredibly behind on blogging…. to you very few people who read this…. Is that crickets I hear?

Chemo finished the last week of February. So incredibly thankful for that to be OVER! Since then I had some CT scan’s and blood tests etc. They were worried as some of my blood tests came back showing high liver counts (if colon cancer is to return it often shows up in the Liver or Lungs ~ and yes it’s still called Colon cancer!). However after the CT and Xray they deemed it a side effect of Chemo.

My mom returned from Thailand to help me out during my last treatment, sure is nice having her home!

My re-attachment surgery was April 1st. That’s right! My intestines are now reattached and I no longer have a baggy!! Woop woop!! I also asked them to ‘fix’ up my scar as it was very large, so they made it smaller and in doing so they also fixed my stomach muscles as they had gotten stretched out when I bloatedΒ  (first sick). So now they are back to being straight and I’ll be able to tone them unlike before. So it was almost like a little tummy tuck! Gotta love that!

Since Chemo and Surgery life has been slowly returning to normal. My fingers and feet are still numb, but I’m getting more and more feeling everyday. I tried doing an exercise program, I did day one and now one week later I’m still sore πŸ™ guess I should listen to the Dr and start off with walking! lol.

My mom and I went to Kelowna to the homeschooling conference, wow! learned so much and it got me so excited for homeschooling! It made it not feel like a chore, but as something to look forward to and enjoy πŸ™‚ always nice to have the flame of passion reignited! Since then Mom and I have cleaned up the disastrous toy room, and converted it into the ‘school’ room. moved all the books down there and set it up so that I’m able to teach more easily. and since it still houses many toys the littles play around us happily.

Next on the list? sew seat covers for my dining room chairs ~ doing that tomorrow. I almost had my entire office cleaned out, however with the arrival of Joy’s 6th Birthday party it got overloaded with the ‘still sorting’ stuff. Mom heads home on Sunday so I’ll be going the office alone. But if she can help me sew then I’ll be good to go πŸ™‚

Since my last post we’ve had all 3 kids birthday parties. Jacob’s was monster truck theme, Olivia’s was Periwinkle theme and Joy’s was supposed to be Dora, but got converted to Candy Land/fun colours. We had planned Joy’s to be outside, however the weather decided to not co-operate. Oh well!

I cannot believe it is May already…. It’s almost been 1 full year since I first realized I was sick. I find myself thinking about that time a lot right now, how we thought there was just something simple wrong and it’d be an easy fix. When really we had no idea what kind of curve ball we were getting thrown. So thankful that God knew and was prepared, He’s never caught off guard!

I’m going to try and blog once a week…..wish me luck! LOL. And I’ll be sure to post more pictures as we go πŸ™‚

Life

Today I had treatment #10! I almost didn’t have it due to my blood being low, but Praise God, it came up in time to receive treatment. I was delayed last treatment, by almost a week. I now have to take injections of some miracle drug that makes my blood produce more to bring up my blood counts. VERY expensive meds! But I feel wonderful! Even though my blood was down yesterday I’ve really noticed a change. I hadn’t realized just how sluggish I’d gotten. I was wondering why I couldn’t get going, or get off the couch! Now I know, low blood.

Homeschooling is going great! I took the week off over Christmas and it set us behind a bit, but we are getting back into the swing of things. Before I had Chemo on Wednesday’s so would cram all of Joy’s schooling for that week into 2 days, but now Chemo is on Tuesdays so I do half the work on Monday and I’ll space it out through the week (more like Thursday/Friday), which is nice for her and me. She also had read 2 words all on her own (sounding out etc), bat and cat. Joy is so excited that she’s learning to read. She knows her letters and their sounds, just has a hard time figuring out what the sounds are saying.

I’m going to be doing a blog post of photo’s. I was looking through our cell phone at all the photo’s we have from this past year. It’s going to be a post letting the photo’s tell the story of our summer. Just gotta get Orlund to make something to display them easier (there are a lot).

We are also in the Birthday season! Already had Hazel and Orlund’s birthday’s. February luckily is the slower month (since I still have Chemo) with just Hugh’s birthday. The girls have already placed their ‘orders’ for birthday cakes and themes. Jacob is having a monster truck theme (girls picked) his Birthday along with cousin Ava’s is in March. April is a bunch of friends birthday’s along with Olivia’s (and my 30th), Olivia wants a Periwinkle birthday theme (Joy had that last year) so I have lots of decorations already organized and I bought a bunch over Christmas (snow theme basically), she also want’s a surprise cake, but I’m listening to everything she’s said. she wants Periwinkle on it, along with a rainbow and hearts, and sparkles… I’m going to have to get creative! May brings Joy’s birthday and Virden’s. Joy wants a Dora theme……. I don’t know where she came up with that as they don’t watch Dora… But I’ll have fun with that, I’ll have a pinata that Swipper swipes and they will have to follow the Maps directions, going down the street, playing hop scotch and a few other things then coming back to find the pinata in the back yard. I think it’ll be loads of fun for a 6year olds birthday. Oh and her cake? Not Dora, nope she wants it to look like the Candy Land board game. I actually have a recipe and directions from a magazine! It’ll be fun except the cake has to be decorated with the candy the day OF the party… so I guess I’ll be busy! But it’ll be loads of fun! And that’s the birthday season, there are 3 birthday’s all in July but that’s the only other really busy month.

Bought Orlund a wii for Christmas, and bought him the wii fit for his Birthday. It actually works out great because with me having a cold sensitivity and low energy the girls aren’t getting much exercise.. but with the wii fit we have them running every night! I don’t like so much technology but for now it’s working out perfectly! They get their exercise and I don’t have to bundle up 3 kids! LOL.

Well I think that’s it for this blog post! I’ll be sure to get those pictures up as soon as I can πŸ™‚

God Bless!!

Chemo

So sorry I’m behind on the blog πŸ™

Today I had Chemo round #6. So I officially only have 6 left to go πŸ™‚ It’s exciting and tiring thinking that I’m half way…
The Chemo I’m on is a ‘less harsh’ kind, I’m so thankful it’s not a harsh kind! Chemo is not fun. Plain and simple. If you saw me on the 9 days that I feel good you wouldn’t know it’s as hard as it is. But the other 5 days (this is every 14day cycle) you might not even recognize me. You can feel Chemo cursing through your body, like a poison, a heavy weight weighing you down. I have cold sensitivity which makes drinking water difficult, it gets colder as I drink (and due to Chemo and my Ostomy I HAVE to drink at Minimum 8glasses a day). It feels like crystals forming in your throat. This also makes my tongue go ‘lazy’ making me talk funny and slur my words. My hands and feet go numb and tingly when cool, actually any part of my body does. My hands also feel like they are seizing up, or getting lazy as well, making writing almost impossible (luckily they are working right now). nightly Orlund and I play dominos, I fumble the tiles and have to shake my hands out regularly to try to get them to ‘wake up’. I also have what is referred to as “Chemo fog”, it’s like I’m in a fog and have a hard time connecting things like I normally would (took me like 15 times watching those ‘don’t be a luger’ adds to figure out what they mean). I also have apparently short term memory loss, which is a side effect of Chemo, and from the Coma/trauma I endured. So we try to play games and keep my mind active. I’m very tired and some times I can’t physically lift myself up to get going. I call Thursday and Friday ‘movie days’ because when Jacob is napping I put a movie on for the girls so I can nap too.

Chemo makes homeschooling a bit more difficult as well. I don’t have the energy I wished I did to make it more fun, but I do the best I can (and hey, it’s Kindergarten). I basically do the regular schooling on my ‘non-Chemo’ weeks and then cram the other weeks into 2 days! Luckily Orlund is doing math with Joy so he can do that every evening easing the load for me (I just discovered it’s a seperate curriculum so we are a bit behind! lol).

That is basically what is going on in our lives. Our lives are broken up into 2 week segments, chemo-week and non-chemo week. Just like our weekends, making Christmas shopping more scheduled than usual! November 30th we are celebrating Christmas with my family, so had to do all that shopping last weekend. Just like there is only one other weekend that is a non-chemo weekend before Christmas with Orlund’s family! Gotta get their lists!!

Through all of this I have to keep Praising God. He is just so wonderful to undeserving me. Honestly. As I think back on all that’s happened He had everything scheduled and timed out perfectly! And He continues to Bless me, my Hemaglobin is staying nice and high (actually went up a little again), so I’m able to stay on track with my Chemo. (Which keeps Christmas as a non-chemo week!). Thank you God for loving me so much to send your precious Son Jesus to make a way for us all!! And as Christmas approaches we celebrate His birth!

God Bless you all!

 

T3’s

Saturday night as we left our cousin’s beautiful wedding we headed to our Bed and Breakfast in Surrey. I wasn’t feeling so good. my stomach was upset, my boob was inflated (12hours without nursing will do that) and most off all my head was pounding. I slept on the way, waking just in time to give Orlund the last directions to the front door. My headache was finally gone. We went for a soak in the hot tub, it was so nice to be able to chat alone. After our soak I was finally feeling better. It was a wonderful evening away.
Sunday we spent a few hours hunting around IKEA and headed home. At this point all I could think about was getting home to nurse my baby boy! ouch! After we picked the kids up from my parents we got home, had dinner and sent the kids to bed. I didn’t feel so good while eating dinner, I suddenly realized I hadn’t felt good for the past week (or two) whenever I ate. And it was progressively getting worse. Sunday night as I tried to sleep I curled in pain and once again brought out my handy tried and true ‘contraction breathing’. No sleep.
I survived Monday with just some pain, mostly after I ate. Night time was horrible again, I took a couple extra strength Tylenol’s.

Wednesday arrived and I wasn’t doing so good. It was now 3 nights without any sleep and everything just kept getting worse. My stomach was ripping with pain. I wanted to vomit, or use the washroom (just as at other times), however nothing was happening. I had planned to spend the day helping my girlfriend Ashley finish the last of her packing and get her house washed down ready for her Saturday moving day. Instead she insisted I go to the Clinic while she watched the monsters children.

3hours later I had no answers other than I wasn’t pregnant. I already knew that. The Dr tried to give me some medication, however once I reminded him I’m breastfeeding he took back the prescription. He did however give me paperwork to get tested for Celiac disease and Lactose Tolerance.
Ashley convinced me to take 1/2 a T3. I did with little effect, although as the day wore on I felt a bit better.

Thursday, I had my 2 daycare kids here. I had to be tough. Okay so it was basically a free play day. I supervised and only moved to change diapers, wipe bums, make food etc. My parents were coming home from Vancouver. I called my mom “I want my mommy” I whined. At 3:30pm they showed up at my door. by 3:45pm my mom was helping me out to the car to head to the hospital.

5hours~ I had blood tests, urine tests, pelvic test, pap test, poke my belly test, and a CT scan. again the only thing they came up with was ~ Not Pregnant. No Kidney issues. Good white blood cells. Oh, and Yeah, you’re in a LOT of pain. When I was talking to the Triage nurse I’d mentioned taking a 1/2 T3 earlier in the day. She pretty much laughed in my face and said that so long as you have pain then the T3 will only take the pain away, it wont make you high etc….. sure lady… I took 2 T3’s once the Dr decided I needed something. By the time we were heading home I was flying high! It was the first time I could walk more than 2steps without having to stop and breath through the pain, although the pain still washed over me.

Friday I stayed on the couch all day. I slept. High on T3’s. Jacob was starting to show effects of the T3’s ~ he looked a bit out of it. I called my mom in the evening as I thought I’d have to go back to the hospital. She spent the night taking care of me. Well, until I went to bed. I was now taking 2 T3’s every 4hours. Jacob and I both slept through the night!! woohoo! needed that. Saturday I told my mom I could put my big girl panties on and let her head home.

Saturday I don’t think I left the couch either. every 4 hours I popped another 2 T3’s. Orlund took all 3 kids out to McDonald’s to give me an extra break. I was feeling good, so long as I didn’t miss my dosage and didn’t move. Moving, eating, drinking is what hurt. I was upset that I couldn’t help Ashley on moving day, we’d planned it months ago. I really hate not being able to make my commitments. Sunday Orlund took all 3 kids to Church by himself as well. I was finally feeling better. I didn’t take a T3 until around 3pm.

Today, Monday. I had made an appointment for those allergy tests. (apparently you have to book for these ones). My appointment was for 8:30am. I got there at 8am, so I sat in the car until 8:10am. Then headed in. Finally I got into a room, waited another chapter in my book and by the time they started my test it was 9:40am! The lactose test is a breath test, so you breath into a tube thingy. Then drink a horrible drink. Then after an hour breath again, then again after an hour breath again. I had figured I would be out of there by 10:30am. I got out of there JUST before Noon. Grabbed some groceries, got the kids from Orlund’s parents and came home. I took a T3, I was in pain, over did it. I then passed out (Jacob too). at 3:30 his mom called *Bless her* to say they would pick Orlund up and bring him home. I was just going to call her and see if she could as I couldn’t open my eyes so figured I wasn’t fit to drive. I was up by the time he got home and had dinner started.

Tomorrow I have another test, an Ultrasound to check out all the stuff the CT scan couldn’t see. (I think the Dr is leaning towards a cyst in my ovaries). So yippee more time in waiting rooms and with Dr’s. At least I’m enjoying the kid free time and am now able to at least read a book!

I hate that I’m not 100% for my kids or husband. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I think as mom’s it’s natural (right?). The house is keeping up pretty good surprisingly. The laundry will keep me busy for weeks though! I just feel bad that I’m more snappy at the kids, and because it’s my ‘core’ that’s hurting I can’t just scoop them up for snuggles or tickles. They come and gently lay next to me for snuggle time, which is fine so long as they don’t touch my stomach (which is so bloated I look 4months pregnant), or let Jacob see (he doesn’t like to share me much).

So I am getting better, slowly but surely. I’m praying that I get some answers, and soon. I also am praying it’s nothing major. I guess my Dr will call me if there is anything. I tried to book an appointment with him, the soonest I can get in to see him is Wednesday NEXT week (I booked last week, thank goodness). By then he should have all the results, and hopefully I’m 100% better!

Well that’s what’s been going on around here lately, hope you and yours are all doing better!
My God is greater!!

Happy Mother’s Day

My blog is lacking. Orlund is going to help me re-design it. I have 3 birthday parties to blog about (with photo’s). However today is Mother’s day ~ Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s out there. I thank God that He blessed me with being a Mom. What an amazing privilege! Being a mom is the hardest, most tiring, humbling, amazing, blessing… I can’t even find the words to describe Mother hood. I always thought being a mom would be so easy, smooth sailing. I’d be a mom, like my mom, master house keeper, crafty, playful and energetic… oh and don’t forget patient! (okay, that’s the wrong patient but I can’t for the life of me remember how to spell it). I’m not like my mom, well I am and I’m not. I’m Me. I’ve discovered that I need the Grace of God and to rely on His strength to get me through. I’ve been trying to rely on my own strength, now I’m relying on His and it’s going so much better πŸ™‚

A little update, Jacob is over a year old now, and with that comes a new ‘balance’. For the first year of a child’s life they need Mommy, they cling to you it seems. I love being the person they want most, however that first year is a juggling act of emotions, attention, and life. This past week I realized my baby boy is changing quickly. He’s walking (almost running). He can climb up and down the stairs unassisted, although after his loving sister tossed a toy down at him during a decent, last week, that ended up with his bloody lip he seems less keen on climbing down.Β  I can leave the baby gate open if I so choose and he doesn’t care. I can now leave the bathroom door open, he no longer chews on toilet paper or rummages through the garbage, and he knows he’s not allowed to open the toilet lid to play in the water. (although if the lid is left up it’s another story). Often times I find him in the bathroom watching the wash spinning. He can pull things out of the toy box, climb onto furniture, and best of all ~ bug his big sisters!! He doesn’t talk however communicates very well in letting me know what he wants. With his new independence comes a new ‘freedom’ to me. I can do dishes without him clinging to me (although he still likes to help with the dishwasher). Cooking, cleaning and tending to his sisters needs don’t put him off like they used to. He’s fun. Really fun, loves to have fun and get you laughing. The girls include him in play and he attempts to play with them. Tonight my mom and sister were driving home from Edmonton, my mom called and mentioned they might need to spend the night here. Usually that would mean clearing a spot in the living room from the toys. cleaning kitchen, and a general ‘tidy up’. I looked around after I got off the phone with her, and you know what? I didn’t do a thing! NOT ONE THING! The house is clean! Sure I spent much of my day cleaning earlier (apparently 1 hour without kids gets lots of cleaning done! happy Mother’s day to me :). ) but it just shows how much more I feel I can accomplish in a day. He’s also starting to finally sleep longer which really helps the energy levels. I’m going to miss the baby stage when I see new babies, but I’m excited to be moving on into the next stage of our lives πŸ™‚

Princess Party!

Yesterday My baby boy turned 1 year old!!! CRAZY CATS! His party was postponed until this coming Sunday (unfortunately now I realize that’s ‘time change’ day..oh well). Anyhow, this all got me thinking about stuff I had on my list that got pushed off my list with pre-birthday preparations. I haven’t blogged about our Princess day!! oops! so here it is πŸ™‚

January 24th, 2013 I decided to not do any house chores and spend the day making it special for my 3 kids. It was a fabulous day that started off with a ‘princess’ breakfast (Jacob doesn’t mind doing princessy stuff, any good prince doesn’t mind ;). ). Toast cut into little flowers, flavoured with butter, brown sugar and cinnamon (yummy!). Grapes on the side and as the flower center. It was scrumptious!

breakfast of princesses (complete with Juice)

We of course had to then dress like princesses! (don’t forget it’s January..brr). Here are some pics of them all ‘purdied’ up! (I chose a skirt and shirt, much easier for nursing in!). I did their hair and they did mine, Joy took the pics of my hair ~ aren’t we so cute?

Princesses
Prince Charming.

Then of course it was time for tea! can’t have a princess party without tea….

I asked the girls what they wanted to do, and they wanted to go feed the ducks. so we loaded up the stroller and headed out…. Poor Jacob… Mommy didn’t want to waste the money on a snow suit he’d wear for one year, so he got a hand-me-down from the girls… sorry honey… It was fun! We got a few strange looks but I could careless it was a day all about my kids πŸ™‚

feeding the ducks.
yup, he's adorable!

I can’t recall what we had for lunch (probably KD their favorite!) but it was fun, we had another special snack ~ Peanut butter, marshmallows and apple. And the girls played princess/tea party stuff for the rest of the day.
It was one of the most wonderful day’s we’ve had in a long time. I get so bogged down with chores, teaching preschool and with life in general that sometimes I forget that we just need to have fun! I sometimes feel like I’m failing as a mom because I have such a hard time staying on top of everything that I feel like I’m not having enough fun with the kids. I’m going to make a personal goal this month (to get into a habit) that we will have MORE fun! Chores can wait for a little longer in the day, or until they are in bed. I only have them for such a short time before they are in school etc. I want to enjoy it. I want to look back on this time of my life and remember having tea parties, doing crafts, having tickle wars, being silly, teaching them through fun, not look back and see wasted time on chores. Chores need to be done, yes unfortunately they do, however they aren’t going anywhere….. my kids will be eventually.

Hi!

Hi, I’m here. I’m alive. And I’m thriving!!!
Sorry I’ve fallen short in blogging, been busy busy. Lots of work (daycare and house). My girlfriend Ashley has been stopping in almost every Monday and Wednesday, her eldest daughter is in preschool so instead of her heading home and us chatting on the phone she’s been coming over. I don’t know if she even realizes how much her visits have helped lift my spirits πŸ™‚ Some days we just sit and sip coffee and talk about house hunting (for her), or house organizing (for both), and all about our wonderful kids. Her eldest is 8days older than Joy, and her youngest is 9days older than Jacob (although celebrated 8days apart 3 of every 4 years). So it’s kind of fun to see them playing. And for naps it works out perfect as Jacob gets up from his morning nap when she arrives, after lunch Reegan (her youngest) goes for her nap, and when she wakes up and they leave Jacob goes for his second (if he has a second). This past Thursday she kept her eldest home from school and came over for the entire day. We got to purging/cleaning the girls room and the toy room! (we recently switched the girls to bunk beds and well…. lets just say the toy room got dumped on! lol). She’s the help I’ve been needing for purging! I’ve actually really got into the swing of it again and am enjoying the purge!! This coming week she’s going to come over and help me finish it off. The only stuff that will be left to purge is our storage boxes (but that’s for whenever).
I also have a fabulous group of mom’s on facebook. Mom’s from all across Canada who were due in March 2012. I love them and all their advise, however I found to much of my time was wasted on line. So now I only go on in the evenings once the kids are in bed and the house is picked up. I feel so much freer! I have my morning devotions with the Lord as well and I feel as though He’s telling me to step back and he’s given me a disinterest in facebook.
So all in all I’m feeling good! Loving my life! One day last week I even took the entire day and completely devoted it to playing with the kids ~ no chores! I made sure the house was good the night before and once they were in bed I tidied up from the day. It was a ‘princess’ party (with one prince), I have pics and I’ll post them perhaps tomorrow night. It was a fabulous day, and although a chore free day isn’t always possible I’m enjoying taking the time to just ‘hang out’ with the kids more and devoteΒ  (more) undivided attention to them.

Our prince charming πŸ™‚

Sleep?

I keep going back and forth on my decision on what to do/not do about Jacob’s sleep patterns. A friend of mine who has a baby just 9days older just went through this. she decided to go the route of CIO (Cry it out), this can seem harsh to some, however not to long ago we did it with Jacob as well. It worked. Then it didn’t, teeth arrived and we were back to sleepless nights.
Last night I decided to try the CIO method again, his crying sounded like the world was crashing in on him. It broke my heart. after 5minutes I went in, nursed him and had a little cry. Nope. I’ve made up my mind this time. He’s my last baby… A baby that is almost 1 year already! Olivia started sleeping through the night around 2years old. so that gives me approximately one more year of this. This is my take on it ~
I miss sleep. I think if I slept better I wouldn’t be in this fuzzy state of mind. I would be able to refocus and possibly actually focus.. However in a years time I will no longer get to go in and snuggle my baby in the stillness, silence of the night. He wont reach up and play with my hair, or caress my cheeks with his soft hand. He wont be a little baby anymore, he’s growing. every second he’s growing. I know I’ll miss these times once they are gone. I want to enjoy every sleepless minute of it. He’s my baby, my last baby. I want to soak in every second of his babyness. So there will be no sleep training here, none. I’ve finally made up my mind. I have the rest of my life for good night sleeps, for this next yearish I can make due with what Jacob gives me. The Lord will provide the rest I need.
Oh and you might wonder how my house is going? another 15minutes or so and I’m done purging our master bedroom!! Then it’s onto the office and toy room. feeling good!

Who wouldn't want to soak all this in?

January 17th

Some days the pain swells inside you and overflows into tears. The pain for me is no where near the pain they must feel, unfathomable pain, for the loss of their dear sweet baby girl.
It’s been one year since Miss Charlotte joined Jesus in Heaven.
I think of her daily, usually while I nurse Jacob to sleep. In the stillness while I pray for my Children’s health she comes to mind. I pray she’s having fun with Jesus. I know she’s surrounded by love. I pray for her big sister and parents who are left here missing her, longing for one more snuggle. One more kiss. One more giggle. One more. Just one more. I always snuggle Jacob in closer at this point in my prayers. Sometimes he even stops nursing to gently touch my cheek.Β  I don’t know what else there is to say, she is loved, she is with Jesus. we miss her and will never forget her.
After people hear about the passing of a child they tell you to hug your kids tight tonight. I do every night. But sometimes you just want to remind people, don’t forget to snuggle with them, love them and be in their presence.
Today I say extra prayers for all the family. I’m taking even more time to pause and embrace my kids, kiss their cheeks, tickle their sides and visit with them. I hope you do too. Please Jesus give her an extra squeeze from me today.